Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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