I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
