I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
