Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
