the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
