my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
