I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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