it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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