Your face is a jimmy john
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Two words: nipple clamps
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