At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
