You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
