I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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