His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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