out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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