Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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