All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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