This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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