She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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