I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
