I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
