ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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