i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize