nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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