So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
