It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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