i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
