Sponge bath it is.
i think my tv is drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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