fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
