Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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