As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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