I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
