Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
