I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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