We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
