i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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