Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
