If that was your dad, he is hot
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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