there was a trapeze. enough said
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
