I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
