Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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