Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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