Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
