Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
