you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
