During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
