All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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