bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
