My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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