I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
