tell your sister to shave her snatch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize