It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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