Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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