I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
3 2 1 whiskey
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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