3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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