I just threw up on my dentist
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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