just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
