At least make sure they are 18
Why
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
