I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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