I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
