So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
