How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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