Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
