Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
